VIEWPOINT

Looking For a Bargain

Welcome today to the Ron Popeil School of Theology.  You remember Ron, one of the greatest TV salesmen of all time, with his Ronco Pocket Fisherman for just $19.95 (act now!), the amazing Veg-o-Matic and all those other gadgets that millions of viewers suddenly discovered they couldn’t live without.

A key ingredient in The Popeil Pitch is the heart-stopping phrase, “But wait!  We’ll also throw in for the same price.”  By the third time he used those words, you simply couldn’t believe how many kitchen knives you could buy for one low price.

Today, though, I’m not peddling knives.  Instead, I want to offer you four inspirational sermons that will change your life. It’s the complete set of “How to Turn on Your Bright Future Today.”  You’ll enjoy:

1. “Get ready for life in a palace.”

2. “Get ready for life outside your body.”

3. “Get ready for life as a secret agent.”

4. “Get ready to play ‘This Is Your Life’.”

But wait!  We’ll also throw in the gripping companion set, “How to Turn Off Your Dark Past Today,” with these helpful thoughts:

1. “Throwing away your wish list.”

2. “Throwing away your bad list.”

3. “Throwing away your masks.”

4. “Throwing away your labels.”

That’s more theology than you’ll be able to ponder in a year.

But wait, there’s more!”

“How to Have Better Relationships With Your Spiritual Family” is yours, too, with this soul-changing advice:

1. “Maintaining an inner fashion show.”

2. “Maintaining an inner group hug.”

3. “Maintaining an inner iPod.”

4. “Maintaining an inner PR campaign.”

I know your head is swimming, but, yes, there’s more.  Wouldn’t you also like to learn about “How to Have Better Relationships With Your Physical Family”? It includes:

. “The best way to be a better wife.”

2. “The best way to be a better husband.”

3. “The best way to be a better son or daughter.”

4. “The best way to be a better father.”

I know your finger is already on the phone, ready to dial, but wait, there’s still more.  As our gift, we also want you to have the powerful ideas included in “How to Have Better Relationships on the Job.”  You or someone you know simply must learn about:

1. “Working hard for a guy who thinks he’s your master.”

2. “Working hard for a guy who really is your Master.”

3. “Working hard without a weekly paycheck.”

4. “Working hard without competition.”

Unbelievable!  That’s 20 magnificent sermons on five amazingly important topics, and they can all be yours through this single offer.

But wait!  I still haven’t told you the best part, the part the makes this package stand out from so many collections you on which could spend your precious time.

Every one of these 20 beauties – the brighter future set, the vanished past set, all of the relationship improvements plus the on-the-job guides – all 20 can be yours for the low, low, low price of . . . not $29.95 . . . not $19.95 . . . not even $9.95.

No, all you have to do is invest five minutes – that’s five minutes – and read a single chapter of the New Testament.  That’s right, one chapter holds all 20 of these exciting ideas.  And I’m about to tell you what it is.

But wait!  First you have to promise to read it through one time, slowly, savoring each phrase, thinking about it, matching up the words on that Bible page with the titles presented on this newspaper page, and deciding whether you really want your spiritual life to be better.

It’s all right there in Colossians 3.

Act now.

 – Doug Mendenhall